A life reflection in twenties ... Part 3

Within a week of my master's project completion was my marriage ceremony planned ... Hiren was alone in Bangalore for 2 years now ... And we stayed in a long distance relationship for 2 years ... So everyone including Hiren's family and my family was of the opinion that we should get married now ... And it resulted in both of us getting married within one week of the end of my master's project... The marriage was in Ahemdabad ... So my family travelled to Ahemdabad ... Just one day before we travel to Ahemdabad, there was a massive earthquake in Bhuj ... In Gujrat ... It took a toll over many lives ... We had planned a wedding on a very small scale ... Both of our families ... My parents, my sisters, his family, his sister and Hiren's close friends ... At night, we had planned for reception... We had planned it for extended family ... However, after the earthquake, we cancelled the reception... The marriage ceremony in the morning ended and we were at Hiren's home by afternoon ... My parents and sisters went over to the hotel to stay for the night ... I was tired after the ceremony ... I slept ... Hiren and Hiren's family was awake ... chatting amongst themselves ... Hiren might have come into the room where I was sleeping ... He kissed me over the eyelids ... he got all colors on his lips ... he went out of the room ... his family was chatting still ... his sister asked him, what happened to your lips? ... Hiren shied away ... Hiren's family wanted us to spend the night in the hotel ... I was not of the opinion to spend our first night at the hotel ... I wanted to spend it at home at my choice ... There were two bedrooms available ... one for his parents ... which had a double bed in it ... another bedroom was having two single beds ... Hiren's family was of the opinion to use the parent's bedroom for the first night ... we went to sleep in that bedroom ... I offered my body to Hiren that night ...Hiren whispered that day ... "you are beautiful" ... He never did that before ... I felt great ... We slept ... Got up in the morning ... I am a big fan of tea and Hiren's entire family has "tea aversion" ... I already knew it from Hiren ... So, there was no way to get a company for tea at Hiren's home later in life ... Actually drinking tea, sitting in a group, is a lot of fun ... My family members used to get together at least twice in a day to have tea ... But I knew that here I won't get company for tea ... However, I least expected that I won't get the "tea" itself ... It so happened that the earlier evening I had tea ... But in the morning, I started searching for tea powder and I won't find any ... I started thinking whether I am not supposed to have tea? ... After searching for some time, I asked Hiren's mother and she gave me the tea powder can ... Day progressed ... It was the time to take bath ... There was no geyser available in Hiren's home ... Hiren's mother used to heat the water over the gas ... in a large vessel ... she offered me the hot water ... and she was expecting me to take head bath that day ... I don't remember the exact reason ... why ... but I did not find that the quantity of water was sufficient for me ... I did not say anything to Hiren's mother or sister ... but since Hiren was around, I mentioned it to Hiren, that the water is insufficient for me to take a head bath ... Hiren's mother and sister seemed to have a concern with that ... "why didn't you tell us that the water was insufficient?" ... I do not remember the exact answer I gave ... if I think back about the culture, I think Gujrati women take this as an "escalation" ... to talk to a man about basic issues ... but even that does not seem to be the case ... because Hiren's mother and sister used to talk to him and his father, about all girl's issues ... including the monthly cycle ... so I am guessing that there might be little hesitation for them to accept me as one more addition to share Hiren's life ...  the day progressed ... As usual I used the toilet sometime later in the day and it got blocked ... using the toilet has always been a pain for me ... I knew it ... I flushed it after lot of attempts ... I got annoyed and embarrassed ... mostly with myself ... Hiren's sister noticed that ... she asked me "do you want me to help flush it"? I said "no, I flushed it" ... I asked Hiren ... How is the toilet in Bangalore home? Did you face any issues there? Hiren said "no" ... I was feeling very dirty about myself that day because of the issue ... so I decided to take bath again ... the day progressed ... Hiren's mother was cooking and Hiren's sister was mopping the floor ... I decided to help out Hiren's sister with mopping ... I thought to let her study ... so she started studying ... I started mopping ... A lady from the front bungalow was watching me mopping the floor ... she asked me from there ... "Have you started working right on the second day of marriage?" ... I just replied saying "yes" ... I am actually a quiet person ... so I did not believe in speaking much ... But Gujrati girls being very talkative, Hiren's sister did not find my short reply correct ... I think she took it negatively ... she came to me and said "Give me the mop, I will do the mopping" ... I gave the mop back to Hiren's sister ... I realized at that time that it is a cultural gap to speak less in Gujrat ... A Gujrati girl could have extended the talk by saying "It is a daughter-in-law's duty to take care of the home" ... But it looks like people need a constant "verbal reminder" of their duties ... until and unless they are reminded, they do not understand and do the duties ... I think, because of my short answer, Hiren's sister thought I did not want to mop the floor "willingly", but I did a "show-off" of doing my duty by helping her out ... I think that incident was a big mis-understanding between Hiren's sister and me ... anyways ... the rest of the day passed ... We slept in the parent's bedroom again ... That night Hiren whispered "you are a Brahmin" ... I did not take it as a biased comment ... I was not serious about being Brahmin at all ... because I never thought it was of any importance to me ... Anyways ... The next day rose with these mixed feelings ... I thought of helping Hiren's mother in the kitchen with cooking ... She was going to make Idali Fry ... I had to cut the idalies in proper shape and then fry with spices ... It looked like I put some red chilli powder on the Idalies, because of which the idalies looked "Red" ... Hiren's mother had objection over putting red chilly powder in the "Idali Fry" ... which she usually does not put ... She concluded that the idalies turned out "different", based on the color ... I came to know this from Hiren ... I was little sad and disappointed that my first dish in the new home derived criticism ... The day progressed ... and I went for a bath ... The bathroom was such that, after taking bath, the whole bathroom used to be "wet" ... That was NOT a new thing to me ... even I my home, the whole bathroom used to be wet after taking a bath ... But I got into a habit of wrapping a towel around my waist and come out in a dry place and then wear a pant ... otherwise, the pants get wet from the feet up ... Most probably I got into the habit of wearing a pant in a dry place in the hostel ... But when I did the same thing at Hiren's home, Hiren's sister had an objection against it and she immediately corrected me ... "Wear the pant inside the bathroom and then come out ... people are watching us here ... " ... By this time I started feeling alone and having no support from Hiren's family ... because of constant objections/criticisms/corrections in small things ... Even though I remember one incidence when I was humming a song and my sister-in-law said "It feels good when you sing in the morning ..." ... In a few days I realized that in Hiren's family, it was a common practice to call each other "Lazy" ... when they find one lying down on the bed ... Even when that "lying down" might happen after long working hours ... They themselves work very hard ... No doubt about it ... But the family only recognizes "physical hard work" ... I mean "literally moving things here and there and literally standing up for long hours" ... They do not recognize "mental hard work" ... That means they do not recognize "mental stress" ... I had and I still have a habit to lie down when I had no "physical work" to do ... mostly I spend that time to think about the future ... my future ... However, Hiren's family had an opinion that I am a "lazy" person! ... And after finding my style of work in the kitchen, Hiren's family also started finding me "slow" person ... I think people who claim to work "fast", do not have a habit to "think about the work" ... if one starts thinking about the work, one automatically slows down ... When Hiren's mother works in the kitchen, she makes sure, the food is served "on time" ... what she does not care is the "cleanliness" in the kitchen ... one should literally survey the kitchen after "Hiren's mother's cooking" and "my cooking" and should realize the difference between what I mean by "cleanliness" ... one should watch the "kitchen platform" and the "kitchen floor" ... one gets an idea ... I treat my working environment as a "sacred place" ... be it kitchen or be it computer table ... Hiren's mother has strong aversion of having "dust" in the rooms ... but in a developing place and a natural place like India, "dust" is quite natural to have ... What is NOT natural is to constantly keep spilling things in hurry and then expecting the maids or other family members to clean it ... especially, "keeping the spilled things" until the time the maid or other family members clean it ...   It's not natural to "wait" for the maid to make the places clean ... rather than cleaning it ourselves ... I wonder who is "Lazy" here ... The person who ONLY manages "food time" and "waits for cleaning" ? or a person who "works on everything but takes some time to think"? ... Over a period of time, I also realized that Hiren's sister did not like me saying "Thank you", when she did or said something good for me ... once she had asked me "why do you say thank you?" ... Either she thinks that it is a "show off" of education or she thinks that the work she did for me does not matter ... That means she devaluates her work ... But when it comes to me, every small work matters ... And I make it a point that I recognize every small work ... In next couple of days, I went out with Hiren's mother to purchase some groceries ... and I realized that she had the habit of spitting on the road ... No one at our home spits on the road ... I was thoroughly upset and disappointed by her spitting ...we were there in Gujrat for about 10 days or so after marriage ... I noticed many things which are done differently from my mother ... in taking care of the home ... I realized that Hiren's mother uses a lot of water to clean the platform ... I used to wonder since that time, that Gujrat has water scarcity ... so actually they should use the water carefully ... but I never said that ... this very habit of using a "lot of water" for cleaning the kitchen "on a daily basis" started getting on my nerves in the later days ... because for other resources like "electricity", there used to be a constant reminder to me to "save electricity ... swich off the light and fan when you are not in the room" ... Due to my "forgetful" behaviour, I used to forget to switch off the lights and fans ...In the later days I used to wonder, why "save resources" rule is applicable only to me ! why Hiren's mother does not "save water", when water is a precious resource for Gujrat? ... anyways ... looks like I digressed ... I also observed that Hiren's family used to keep the maid's glasses separately ... it looked like they were religious followers of India's cast system ... I did not take it seriously that time ... but in the later days, I realized that Hiren's mother is just a "sweet talker" to maids ... in her mind, she treats them very differently ... means, she gives the maid a lower identity  ... I never liked this particular issue with Hiren's mother ...  but I think I always assumed that I will be "working" ... and I do not have to spend a lot of time with them (may be, I was trying to escape from all these issues ... But looks like God wanted me to look into these issues ... )... but over a period of time, these issues started bothering ... especially when I was discontinued from my services ... and needed to sit at home ... But still, I remember, Hiren's mother used to apply oil on all our heads once in a week so ....she applied oil on my head one day ... It felt good ... After almost a week of marriage, all Hiren's friends gathered again at our home in Ahemdabad ... We (actually these friends) enjoyed getting together and chatting very much ... I got to meet one of Hiren's friend's fiancée also ... I made tea ... One of Hiren's friend realized, "Tea is boiled for longer" ... Which was right ... The friends dispersed ... Later in the week, when it was the time to go back to Mumbai and then Bangalore, we realized that our return ticket was booked on a different date than expected ... Actually I got little annoyed when I came to know about it ... But Hiren said, "My sister might have made a mistake. I think we should give her a benefit of doubt." I said "Ok." ... And then we went by bus ... Actually later in life I remembered these incidents of the "tea powder misplace" and the "ticket date being different" ... And used to amuse whether they were meant for just "teasing" or for some reason there was an intention ... But along with Hiren I also kept giving Hiren's sister and Hiren's mother a "benefit of doubt" ...  Actually if I look back and retrospect, I lost all interest in Hiren's family right in the first ten days of stay at his home ... The only positive side to look at, was Hiren and Hiren's father's hard work ... Hiren's father was a tailor ... He used to dedicatedly do the "Cutting" of clothes ... He had his small tailoring shopee with his brother ... He also had a few workers appointed at his shopee for "Stitching" ... In a way it was a small "Entrepreneurial Effort" on his behalf ... Being a deaf person, his efforts were commendable ... He had also brought up his children well, by bringing them good books and toys ... On the other hand I found Hiren's mother and sister have a constant "complaining and objecting" mindset ... And moreover they do not "complain and object" to the concerned person, they bring it to notice frequently and directly to Hiren and Hiren's father ... Anyways ... I digressed ... We attended our wedding reception in Mumbai and then reached Bangalore ... Hiren was going to join his job and I was going to wait for 3 months to join my first job ... These three months I spent in getting acquainted with Bangalore, our home which Hiren rented and the newly wedded Hiren and myself !