A Life In Retrospection This Far

As the first semester ended, I realized that it was the time for Hiren to leave the campus. My mini-project also ended. So I did not have to access the Instrumentation lab any more. However I would never forget the radio program "Bela-ke-phool", which played all old melodies ... And I will also not forget our common friend Ashish ... Who also was an admirer of those melodies ... Days passed ... When it comes to formal course-work, except DSP,  I did not do any exercises in the books on my own ... only heard what is taught in the class ... taken down some notes ... no extra preparation after the class about the subject ... just used to read my notes before the surprise test ... I only used to understand (that too mostly 40 to 50% of what the professor is teaching) ... i did not try to get an understanding of the subject after the class ... spent most of the time on the computer (maintenance - formatting/partitioning), internet issues, NIS/NFS, setting up and maintain lab netwo...

Twenties must have been a very complex decade because of higher education, work life and personal life all began and getting settled ... All at once ... Things which start in parallel, end in parallel ... some of them turn out to be successful, some of them turn out to be un-successful ... My twenties began by taking an education break to prepare for further studies ... after one year of preparation, I got a good score in competitive exam which enabled me to go for my masters ... I enrolled for my masters as a Research Assistant (RA) ... It was a two and a half years Masters program ... There is another program which is Teaching Assistant (TA) program ... which is a one and half year program ... for which I was not eligible because of my score ... I enrolled and I was very proud to be a part of IIT ... course work began ... at the same time, I started working to maintain the department's computer lab to be eligible for stipend ... The stipend was Rs 5000/- per month that time ... t...

I thought of listing some great people and jot down some great incidences that took place in my life in my teens. These people and incidences add a lot of value to my life. I have a lot of gratitude towards them.    Taskeen Staying on the ground floor of our apartment, she used to stand in the balcony ... Or rather her mother used to make her stand in the balcony ... Just so, she will get some fresh air... She was a one year old child then... Just began babbling ... and standing on her own ... she used to call each passer by .. I mean, just make a babbling happy sound when she used to see someone ... I was one of the passer who she found worth making a babbling happy sound for ... I must be 15 or 16 years old then ... It was not that I had never seen a child before in my life .. But maybe it was the happiness in her sound which drew me closer towards her ...I never could ignore that babbling sound and just pass by her ... On hearing that sound, I used to go close to her balcon...

Well, simply put, I was searching for a lost soul ... throughout my thirties ... aim-less life ... goal-less life ... that raises questions ... what was my soul? ... what was my goal ? ... what was my aim ? ...what made me think I lost my soul? and do I think I got it now? ... In general, Indian approach towards a woman's goal is to have children and find her "future" in her children's future ... I believe that it's an injustice towards a woman ... Woman needs to independently find her future ... Throughout my life, I was looking for the definition of Independence  ... I wanted to be an independent woman ... The question arises, "what is independence?" ... Is Independence "able to do what you want to do, in the way you want to do it ... ?" ... probably yes ... However, I realized that we could do what we want to do only when we are Financially Independent ... Between "abilities" and "money", Money Dominates ... We may have ...